Have you ever wondered why all the good men are taken? Have you ever met a married man who is so gorgeous that you can’t help feeling envious of his wife? You’re not alone. The other day, I was traveling to Los Angeles and met the most charming married man at the airport. I left the airport thinking that his wife was one lucky woman.
Fantasies are healthy. They allow us to get in touch with our sexual desires and make us feel more alive. Face it: if you don’t have some daydreams and fantasies, you’re taking yourself too seriously. Fantasies are healthiest and most pleasant when they exist in our minds, because we don’t have to deal with the consequences. As long as they’re only fantasies, we don’t have to deal with indigestion after eating that forbidden fruit.
The problem only arises when a woman, so consumed with her desires, tries to make that fantasy a reality. It’s human nature that we want the unattainable. Something is very tempting about having an affair with a handsome and unavailable man. When that married man is consciously flirting with us and teasing us, it only fans the fire.
In my experience as a relationship coach, I’ve talked to many single women who want advice on dealing with the painful aftermath of having affairs. It turns out that the forbidden fruit not only gives you indigestion, it also inflicts deep emotional pain that can take a long time to heal. While physical encounters are always fun and exciting, many single women inevitably fell in love with the married men. The problem is, these men aren’t nearly as emotionally invested as the women are.
For women who are tempted to make that fantasy a reality, or are already living that fantasy, the following ideas can help you clarify a few things.
- The feeling of love may just be an illusion. We desire the unattainable. The love you feel toward a married man may just be a reflection of the desire to possess something you can never have. In fact, many of my clients have confessed that it’s the biggest turn off when the men want to leave their wives to be with them.
- When you only know the man through physical encounters, you only have a glimpse of him as a person. Maybe you start to wonder what he’s like with his wife, how he plays with his children, how he spends his time when he isn’t with you. Eventually, you start to project your image of the perfect mate onto him. Take some time to ask yourself if you are idealizing this married man and are making him more perfect than he really is.
- Know there will be consequences. A damaged reputation, harsh judgments from colleagues and friends are only some of the consequences you need to face when the affair becomes known. Social acceptance is important for our psychological well-being. Be aware of the high price you may need to pay for living your fantasy!
- Thinking you can handle a purely physical relationship is dangerous. Many single women initially enter affairs with the confidence that they can handle a purely physical relationship. As modern women, they believe that they don’t need a partner to take care of their emotional needs. Eventually, they realize that a physical relationship with no emotional foundation is very unfulfilling. They gradually become emotionally involved and become infatuated or fall in love with the married man. When the man uses the woman as a purely sexual object, no matter how emotionally strong the woman is she will feel dissatisfied.